Unwanted Love
by TwangCat
Summary: Set in the time of the Marauders Remus is desperate to be liked by those around him but is also longing for something more. RLSB with a little JPLE and SS and PP are important. Please read and review.
1. Unwanted Love

All Remus wanted was to sit peacefully studying by the firelight in the Gryphendor common room. He needed to remember the dates of the goblin persecution for the make up test he would have to take next week but his skin crawled and his blood boiled with the feral energy that accompanied the approach of the full moon.

_Records indicate that the goblin leader Gurbershank's background in philosophy inclined him towards....._

His friends were debating which of them would be more likely to get a quiditch contract after they graduated next year. "The cannons need a new seeker, a lot more than the need a new chaser Sirius and you just don't have the crowd appeal I would."

_a belief in negotiating with other magical creatures. At the time the wizarding community found the idea of an alliance between goblins and house elves a very frighten prospect...._

"You're off your rocker mate, sure you can catch the snitch on the Hogwarts field but I could get more than 150 points with a quaffle on the Cannons quiditch field and everyone knows it."

James and Sirius' one-up-man-ship was legendary in the Griffindor common. Remeus knew that as prefect he should do something to intervene before things got out of hand but somehow tonight a darker part of his soul wanted to see how far they would take it.

"It doesn't matter how many points you score Sirius, if they fans don't want to look at your mug or buy your posters no team will want you."

Sirius gave James his most predatory grin that always sent shivers up Remus' spine. "If you had that much more charm than me I would think Miss. Evans over there would be giving you the time of day by now instead of preferring to spend her spare time with Snivilius."

Remus knew that according to the script this was probably his last chance to intervene and break things up. He stopped rereading the same goblin history page for the umpteenth time, closed his book, and running his fingers through his hair opened his mouth to try and defuse the situation. "To be fair Padfoot Evans hasn't been spending all her time with Snivilius, yesterday after charms she was talking to you and both of you were late for lunch afterwards."

There was absolute silence between the three friends for a moment as all three boys went pale: Sirius in surprise, James in rage, Remus as some inner voice in his head screamed. that was not what he had meant to say at all. Remus opened his mouth to somehow try to backpedal and fix the situation but James beat him to it. His eyes flashed and bored into Sirius' as he said 'Why were you talking to Evans?"

Remus could see that Sirius was trying to do some quick thinking. Sirius shrugged his shoulders and settled back into the overstuffed armchair he was lounging in; every body part screaming nonchalance, "She wanted to know about the Volshine charm I used on my hair. I didn't want every prat in the school knowing my beauty secrets but I figured since she was a special friend of Prongs here the least I could do was answer the lady's question."

James didn't respond, just continued to let his eyes bore into Sirius'. Sirius looked as unperturbed as always. Remus held his breath, his heart pumping. He had no idea if Sirius was lying or if James would believe him even if he wasn't. Remus had often wondered how it was Sirius almost seemed to wake up looking ready to have his photo taken and apparently Evans had gotten the answer out of him. Remus agitatedly ran his fingers through his hair again wondering if Sirius' Volshine charm would turn his rough and blandly coloured brown hair into something has silky and shiny as Sirius'. He wondered if Lily had touched Sirius' hair yesterday.

James continued to stare at Sirius but Remus thought he could see him start to relax a little until Remus, against his better judgment, said: "Is that why you looked so cozy when she was running her fingers through your hair?"

He heard James catch his breath and Sirius start to stammer. "What? I.. we.. that never happened you great git! What are you going on about?" Sirius was not pale with surprise anymore, now he pale with anger. James eye twitched and he looked like he was torn between anger and confusion as his eyes flicked back and forth between Sirius and Remus.

Finally he turned to Sirius and said, "I'm only going to ask you this once mate, were you making a move on Lily yesterday?"

"No! No way prongs! I know your head over heels for her, I'd never!" He started to shift uncomfortably in his big arm chair. "You know I'm going to Hogsmead with Julie next weekend, why would I jinx that up?"

James let out a deep breath. "Fine. It's late, I'm going up to bed."

Lupin's head swam and his heart thumped. Why had he provoked James so much? Had he wanted to James and Sirius to come to blows? Why? Sirius turned on Remus giving him 100% of his attention. "What did you have to go and wind him up about Evans for? You know he's going to be a right bastard until he talks to her again tomorrow afternoon in Care of Magical Creatures!"

Remus never liked to admit that being a werewolf affected him at all, so he tried to come up with any other excuse than the coming full moon to explain his behaviour. He spoke in a rush, "It's these damn N.E.W.T. tests! I feel like I've been sitting still studying forever and I'm going to miss the next three days of classes" He took a deep breath, "I'm really sorry. I don't play quiditch like you guys do, maybe I just need some exercise." He was babbling, saying anything to distract Sirius. It worked.

Sirius brightened "Are you actually saying you are willing to stop studying? Come on, let's go grab the map and see if we can hunt down Snivilius. He has been taking up too much of Evan's time!" Sirius' blue eyes had that mischievous twinkle that made all the girls want to date him and all the boys want to be him. Somehow, like always, Remus felt compelled to go along.

Remus didn't know how he'd been so lucky to end up with true friends who knew about his condition and were still willing to spend time with him. He knew in his heart of hearts that he could never deny them anything because they gave him all he really wanted in life, to be accepted and to be liked.

It was a bright night with no clouds obscuring the starlight or the near full moon which reflected off the new snow. The chill wind of coming December was in the air as they burst through the castle doors. Unfurling the map Sirius saw to his disgust that Snape was safely sequestered in the Slytherine dungeon. "Damn, so much for that plan."

"Oh, I don't care Sirius! Let's just stay out of the castle for a while anyways." Remus laughed out loud from the sheer joy of being free and outdoors. He was too distracted by being outside to notice what Sirius was doing so he was taken by complete surprise when WHOMP a snowball whacked him in the back.

"That was for getting James all wound up at me!" But he said it with a smile so Remus knew he wasn't really angry. He grinned like a predator back at Sirius, "Well this is for getting me in detention in Potions!" WHOMP

The snowball fight grew more and more intense as they continued to throw back and forth at each other blaming them for everything silly and real under the sun. "This is for being nice to Snivilius in Potions" cried Sirius. Remus was enjoying himself too much. The thrill of attacked Sirius with snowballs and shouting everything he could think of at him pounded through his veins and another part in the back of his human head was sick of how his friends always picked on Severus, especially now that James viewed him as a rival for Lily. So he wasn't really thinking when using his pre-full moon werewolf strength he bullrushed Sirius shouting "and this is for always picking on Severus!"

The attack caught Sirius by surprise and he had the wind knocked out of him when 180 pounds of Lupin landed on top of him. But in classic Sirius style he didn't get angry or beg for mercy, instead he turned the tables on Remus by changing into 250 pounds of Padfoot and wrestling with him all across the open field that was their battleground.

Moony enjoyed it. This was what he had wanted all along. This fight. The grabbing of Padfoots fur, pushing him off of himself only to be pulled back down. Rolling around on the ground like the most primitive of animals grabbing and pushing at each other. more than half an hour later after Remus shouts of excitement and Padfoots barks of joy had turned into less exuberant laughter from both parties Padfoot finally transformed back into Sirius when he had a tired but happy and laughing Remus pinned under him. His left hand held both of Remus' hands pined to the ground over his head. His right hand was pressing down on Remus' chest just below the neck and his hips straddled Remus' while his legs held the others legs in place. Remus was breathing hard. He couldn't remember the last time he had laughed so much or felt so relaxed. He looked up into Sirius' twinkling eyes and shiny hair and wondered if with was the Volshine charm that after wrestling for the better part of an hour made him look like he was ready to star in a muggle movie.

Like an electric charge that shot from his hands pinned above his head to the balls of his feet but seemed to pulse out from his groind he realized he wanted this again. This weight on top of him, this laughter, this closeness. His breath caught in his chest and he didn't understand how he had lived without out it for long. Sirius smelled like sweat and dog and open fields and fresh winter and something else that was distinctly Sirius and something Remus thought he could breath in forever.

Using the map they snuck back into Gryffindor tower and past the fat lady and the empty common room without talking. Remus went to his own four poster and drew the curtains closed. He couldn't breathe. He knew Sirius was naked just on the other side of room. The jolt to his groind was painful in its intensity. He wanted to be that close to Sirius, he wanted to smell him again, to touch him, to hold him close. He had a raging hard on and the light weight of the sheets on top of it was only teasing touch that made him want to thrust up seeking something more. All could think about was the weight of Sirius on top of him, the smell of him being so close and just imagine what it would of been like if something, he didn't know what, but something else had happened after they had finished wrestling. He bit down hard on his left hand to suffocate his involuntary moan of Sirius' name as his hand reluctantly made its way south to tug at his raging hard on. Within seconds he felt himself thrust up and cum all over his own hand. As he drifted off to sleep with the release of his own tension he wouldn't let himself think about what his thoughts or feelings had been tonight. He wouldn't let himself think about what his unconscious heart knew could never be.

**A/N **This is my first fanfic ever and I have no Beta Reader. Feedback and constructive criticism is sincerely hoped for.


	2. Introducing the Marauders, Snape & Lily

The full moon came and went. Remus' friends transformed with him and made the night more endurable. Every month they rotated which one of them would be there with him when he woke up human groggy and suffering from the transformation. The floor of the shrieking shack was cold and rough under his bare skin. He first heard a soft murmuring, and as the pain began to recede his sense of touch returned and he felt a hand stroking his head in time with the soft murmuring and there was a nice sent in the air, something slightly musky but sweet and reminding him of nature.

He kept his eyes closed and dreamed it was Sirius petting him and holding his head on his lap. He wasn't in love with Sirius, he wasn't gay, he just found Sirius comforting. There was nothing wrong with taking comfort from a mate. So he opened his eyes and gave Sirius his best grin, "So how many cats did we terrify last night? Did we finally get Mrs. Norris?"

Sirius laughed "Oi, get off you, I thought you were asleep all this time. No we didn't catch Mrs. Norris, but Wormtail did almost get eaten by a cat! He was scurrying through Hogsmead trying to get into Zoncos when quite unexpectedly he found an alley with oh, maybe half a dozen cats." Sirius continued in his most innocent tone, "I can't imagine where they all came from. Anyways the git didn't have enough sense to turn back into a boy and scare them away so instead he ran back to all of us with a trail of cats following him, all of them howling and hissing like they were ready for battle. Poor wormtail, I don't think he'll ever look at another cat the same way again!" Sirius broke down into laughter again. After he caught his breath, he said, "Come on you, let's get you back to Madame Pomfry and all checked out. Just don't go too quickly there is another half hour before History of Magic is over and you don't want to go write that test today." He paused, "You lucky git, you get to miss all these tests and the teachers fall all over themselves setting things up so you can rewrite them whenever you feel like. Me? I honourably am forced to sacrifice my test scores and take a zero just so I can' be here when you wake up. I hope you appreciate this great sacrifice I perform on your behalf Mr. Moony." Sirius laughed and Remus grinned back at him, somehow at times like this all felt right with his world.

****

Sirius had cornered Madge, the fifth year ravenclaw just outside the castle walls. She was resting her back against the wall and smiling adoringly up at Sirius as he leaned over her with one hand resting on her shoulder. "I know you're Capricorn but let me take you up the astronomy tower tonight and show you something I bet you didn't know about your sign." Remus groaned internally as the bouncy girl with curly blond hair giggled her assent. How on earth had something that ditzy ended up in Ravenclaw, she was barely hufflepuff material from where he was standing but the knowing smile on Sirius' face meant he knew he was going to hear more about Madge over the next couple of days whether he wanted to or not and he was pretty sure he didn't want to.

True to form two days later Madge was indeed the subject of conversation. They were supposed to be brewing the Incantus Detectus potion but Remus was having trouble concentrating and no one else even seemed to be trying. James and Sirius were bantering with each other over the desk and Peter just gazed on with his usual look of adoration at both of them. Remus sighed, potions was his worst class and he thought some help would be nice, but nobody noticed.

"Madge was great, that bird can do a lot more than just giggle with that mouth of hers, let me tell you!"

James scoffed "But is she interesting enough to ensnare the great Sirius Black?"

Sirius paled, "Whoa, mate! A snog is great, I didn't say I wanted marry 'er!"

"Tis true," replied James loudly "the only fair female worthy of devotion such as that would be my lovely and fair Lily flower." The next table over Lily made a most un ladylike snort and Remus had to stifle his own laugh. James had been raving about Lily for so long that he wasn't much more sure than Lily how sincere he was. As far as he could tell the only point in James' favour was his almost utter abstinence from all other girls but maybe he was just a poof.

Remus almost sliced off the tip of his finger he was so surprised by that thought. He felt himself start to blush. Thoughts like that made him think about thought he'd been having about Sirius lately and that just wasn't what he wanted to be thinking about in the middle of potions class where he had to do all the work. He wasn't very good at potions on a good day and he was pretty sure he hadn't stirred the mixture quite right already.

Sirius reached over and grabbed the knife from Remus, his soft pale hands contrasting strongly with Remus' rougher and darker ones. He felt his breath catch and his blush intensify as unbidden the image of what those hand would look like against his naked flesh flashed into his head.

"You a little shaky still Mooney?" His voice was gentle, "Why don't I take over for a bit. Peter, Oy, make yourself useful, stir the cauldron. " Remus backed away from the table and took two deep and calming breaths.

For the rest of the class he sat quietly on the side of their work table and focused on taking neat notes that everyone else could copy later. At the end of class their potion had turned into powder like it was supposed to but was darker in colour than the light sandy shade it was supposed to be.

Professor Slughorn spoke standing beside Snape's table. "Excellent work Mr. Snape, just the right consistency. I see only yourself and Miss Evans" he gave them both indulgent smiles, "have perfected the potion once again. Miss Evans, I believe it is your turn to demonstrate this week. Please bring your cauldron to the front of the class."

Snape scowled ferociously and Lily blushed awkwardly as the two stared at each other. Remus thought this was odd, while not a 'show off' or a 'know-it-all' Lily was usually comfortable enough demonstrating her skill in potions and Snape was usually willing enough to share the spotlight, at least he was with her. As she prepared her stuff Slughorn started talking "As you all know the Incantus Detectus when sprinkled over the head of someone will sparkle around them creating an aura to show their magical energies. It's usually used on creatures not deemed beings to better understand their make-up but can be used on witched and wizards as well and to the skilled eye details about a person magical preferences and...."

"Ahhhh" Lily's cry of pain cut off Slughorn's speech. Somehow while passing Snape's table Lily had bumped into a bottle of acid and spilt it on her robes.

"Miss Evans, quickly, to the hospital wing!"

"My Lily flower, I'll take you there" James had jumped out of his seat and was rushing towards Lily. In the five seconds it took him to reach Snape's desk at the front of the classroom Snape had already started pouring a neutralizing potion onto Lily that he seemed to have gotten from thin air.

Professor Slughorn seemed slightly shaken out of concern for his favourite student. "Very well Mr. Potter you may accompany Miss Evans to the hospital wing. Everyone else please pour your potions into vials, mark them with your names and leave them on your desk." Everyone quickly followed Slughorns instructions and left the potions classroom, Snape was the first to finish but Remus, Sirius and Peter were next and all rushed towards the hospital wing.

***

By the time the rest of the Marauders got to the hospital wing Snape and James were already going at it with each other.

"How dare you come here Snivilous after you nearly maimed my precious and perfect Lily"

"Boys!" interjected Lily.

"You're such a fool Potty you wouldn't understand"

"Boys!" shouted Lily again, louder this time.

"If you dare to touch my lovely Lily again I'll magic you apart piece by piece"

"Any time Potty, just say the word if you dare" sneered Snape, his voice as sharp dangerously cold.

"That is enough" interrupted Lily "James I am NOT 'your' anything, Severus you will NOT attack him. And if the two of you don't leave right now I won't speak to either of you for a week."

Both James and Snape opened their mouths to defend themselves with Lily whipped out her wand and pointed it in the direction of both of them. "I will hex you two both into oblivion if you don't give me some peace, NOW"

Cowed, both James and Snape backed down and walked away in opposite directions as Madame Pomfry came bustling back in with a potion for Lily.

The rest of the marauders were just outside the hospital wing doors and James knocking Remus over because he was walking so fast and not looking where he was going. He was also smiling broadly.

"She's really starting to come around to me!" He looked ecstatic. "Did you hear what she threatened me with?" Remus was confused but started to pick himself and his books back up.

"Getting hexed into oblivion?" ventured Sirius

"No, before that, she threatened not to talk to me for a week. That means she plans on willingly talking to me this week! And there is a Hogsmead visit coming up. I'm sure she plans on asking me to with her! After all these years of courting her, my fair Lily's heart has opened and warmed to me. Soon I'm sure she'll even let me hex the pants off Snivilous"

Remus and Peter looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Neither of them understood James' obsession with Lily.

"Oy, Mate! I don't want to see Snivilous without his pants on, ever! No prank could be good enough to make that worth seeing." Sirius had neatly side stepped the whole issue of James' love of Lily thus saving the rest of the Marauders from having to endure an hour of James rhapsodizing over her.

"I cannot believe that snivelling, greasy haired, bony, bastard hurt my Lily with his potion ingredients."

Remus interuped him part way through his rant. "James Snape doesn't hate Lily, their friends remember?"

"He tried to mar her perfect beauty to make her as ugly as him so no one would look at her and he could have her, but nothing could ever reduce her beauty that much."

"No" interrupted Remus again "he was trying to help her, don't you remember what the Incantus Detectus does?" Blank looks greeted his statement. "On a witch or wizard it shows what kind of magic they have in them." more blank looks "The dance of the colours show's what kinds of spells they're inclined to be good at and what kind of magic they have in their blood." Sirius paled but the other two still looked confused "It would have shown she was muggle born." Comprehension now dawned on James as well but Peter still looked confused. "In a class full of Slytherines, with the rise of pure blood mania it would have marked her as muggle born."

As Peter finally caught up mentally to the rest of his friends James' frustration manifest itself physically and he started to pace and then walk away from the hospital wing. The rest of the Marauders followed. James started to rant again "There is no way that sodding stupid Snivilous thought up any kind of plan like that in class, the greasy git was just trying to destroy the perfect beauty of Lily."

Remus didn't really feel like listening to Snape get maligned for something he didn't deserve yet again by James, and realizing that he must have dropped one of his quills when James knocked him over, told the rest of the group he would meet him in the great hall and ran back up the corridor.

Just as he reached the entrance to the hospital wing the doors opened and Snape came out. Clearly Madame Pomphry had locked the back exit and Snaped had been inside the hospital wing the whole time. Snape looked at him and his eyes flashed coldly. Instantly, somehow, Remus knew that Snape had overhead him defending him and something about that look sent shivers all the way down Remus' spine. They didn't talk as Snape turned on his heel and strode down the corridor in the opposite direction that Remus had come from. Bewildered by his behaviour Remus mentally shrugged his shoulders and header towards the Great Hall.

Inside all the students were talking loudly and the fires and candles were burning brightly creating a very warm and cheery atmospher. Remus relaxed a little more. His need to keep secrets from a young age had made him a quiet and reticent person so he liked it best when everyone around him was jovial and busy; it meant that he could just relax and bask in the atmosphere of the communal joy without having to actually entertain others.

At the Gryphendor table a much less pleasant sight greated him. Moronic Madge was cuddled up on Sirius' lap with her arms wrapped around his neck and giggling. Remus sat down in his normal seat beside Sirius across from Peter and exchanged smirks with Peter and James; and Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus and Madge started nattering on about the Hogsmead weekend coming up.

"Let's visit Madame Puddlefoots first okay? We can meet up with some friends of mine there and then maybe go for walk in the new fallen snow until we find somewhere a little more" she giggled "private."

Sirius rolled his eyes, but was careful to make sure Madge didn't see. "That sounds great doll, why don't we practice finding some private places around Hogwarts for now." Madge giggled and blushed in a way that some people might find cute but Remus rather thought made her look like she'd had an allergic reaction to something. Sirius winked at the Marauders as a group as he stood up and then led Moronic Madge out of the Great Hall.

As Sirius left Peter and James burst out into guffaws of laughter and Remus tried to smile along with them.

"Where does he find these birds?" asked Peter.

"I didn't know there were so many brainless girls at Hogwarts and every time I think dear old Padfoot has found them all he finds another gorgeous girl to snog!" exclaimed James as he began to dig into his mashed potatoes.

"I think it must be a spell" said Peter. "Maybe he finds really boring and ugly girls and transforms them into this dimwit beings with no thought expect to love the great and wonderful Sirius Black." And Remus finally laughed as Peter mimed the spell casting and the transformation of the girl from ugly to beautiful loving thrall.

As they finally left the Great Hall, Peter being sure first to stuff his pockets with extra pastries and rolls, Remus reflected that Peter really was a good guy to have around. He wasn't sexy and charming like Sirius or have the knack for making people like him like James did or clever like he was, but Peter was funny and even if he was lazy he genuinely liked it when people around him were happy. So it was with relatively calm and happy hearts that the three marauders left the great hall to return to Gryphendor tower.

Sirius had been gone less than an hour before he returned strutting through the dormitory door with his hair mussed but still looking perfect and his eyes shining. Throwing himself casually down on Remus' bed regardless of the fact that Remus was studying there and gave a long exasperated sigh until the rest of his roommates paid attention to him. He reeked of sex and the smell was driving Remus to distraction as he could feel himself getting hard right then. He wanted to roll over onto his stomach but just then Sirius shifted position so that he was using Remus' lap as a pillow and instantly his cock was hard as steel and he had to suppress a whimper as he put the book he placed to book he had been reading just beside Sirius' head on his lap to shield his bulging erection. Thank god for modest robes.

"I think I'm going to have to call it quits with Madge. I mean seriously, Madame Puddlefoots? And tonight she called me," he gave an exaggerated shudder while still lying on remus' lap "honey bunny cuttie pie! I mean really, what am I? a pet?"

James and Peter laughed uproariously and Peter started prancing around the room making mock re-enactments of Madge's love declaration.

Remus just tried to breathe through the knowledge that a Sirius who smelled of nothing but sex had his mouth inches from his cock. Oh god, how badly he wanted everyone else to just vanish and Sirius to just turn his head a little and start kissing him throgh his robes and to feel his hot breath on his aching cock. He couldn't breath. He needed to get out of here now.

Unceremoniously he stood up, still covering himself, dumped Sirius from his lap, mumbled something incoherent about the library and left the room leaving three bewildered marauders behind who thought Remus was acting very strange indeed.


End file.
